Good Neighbors Don't Ask Questions

Some people think that fairy tales are just stories. Eventually they learn--humans are the only unreal things in the universe.

It's Extra Chocolate Day today. I'm sure this must have been the intention of Dr. Aloysius Lilius, the chap who first suggested reforming the Julian calendar and making it more Gregorian--on Mondays, everyone gets an extra helping of chocolate. I doubt if Dr. Lilius told Pope Gregory about this chocolate business, possibly because no one in the Vatican had any chocolate at that time, although it would soon show up.

So how did Aloysius Lilius know about chocolate? Possibly his first attempt at reforming the calendar sent him into the future, where he went shopping.

Here is a picture of the Australian Defence Force chocolate ration. I got this on the MRE Info site, which offers information on US military operational rations, along with details of rations from Canadian, British and other forces. I have no idea who makes this chocolate, or what it tastes like, but it must be reasonably good--soldiers are very quick to let the whole world know when the food isn't up to their standards.

Training a Buffalo to Use the Litter Box

Some people think that fire hydrants were designed for emergency use by firefighters. Any dog will tell you that's not true, although firefighters, being resourceful people, have learned to adapt existing technology to suit their own purposes.

I picked up a copy of Scientific American's special issue 'The End', which is a fascinating compendium of articles and theories about how and when humanity is going to be wiped out as the world comes to an end.

I love this crazy stuff! Mayan predictions, Nostradamus, asteroids, vast armies, the devil, savage platypuses--it's all good!
According to Michael Moyer, staff editor, one of the factors in the  human tendency to believe terrible events are harbingers of the end of civilization is vanity. He says we all believe we live in an exceptional time.

Anyway, there's all kinds of neat stuff in this issue, including articles on why we can't live forever, a splendid article, with illustrations, detailing exactly what happens to our corpses after we die, and an article on how much time our planet has left. There's also a nice summary of various disaster theories, including solar superstorms, killer pandemics, global warming, nuclear war, super volcanoes, and other delightful events.  Highly recommended (the magazine, not the catastrophes.)

And here's something you don't see very day--a chocolate volcano, courtesy of Madelyn Miller, writing in the Travel Lady Magazine.

You wouldn't want to go through the apocalypse without chocolate, or popcorn, would you?

Yippie yi yaaaaay
Ghost Riders in the sky....

Fun-Loving Dragon Seeks Adventurous Human

No one has ever found any fossilized dragon bones, nor any dragon footprints, dragons embedded in amber, or portraits of dragons by famous dragon artists.
And yet, everyone knows what a dragon looks like: it's big, it has long ears, buck teeth, powerful hind legs for jumping over things, and it eats carrots.
So that explains everything.

Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, the evil clothes dryer has started beeping at me for no reason at all. Because it lives in the utility room where I work, this is a problem that has to be resolved. The service technician quoted me a price that blew a few circuits in my brain and left me speechless. So I'm thinking of hiring an exorcist to chase the demons out of the dryer. Then I'll ask Elvis to bless it.

In case you'd like to eat a chocolate dragon cake, here's one from the Dinner With Julie site, featuring pictures and recipes. This one was made for a child's birthday party, but I don't think you have to be under 12 to eat it.

This book isn't made of chocolate, but it features dragons and adventures, and it's a good story by a fine author, although I prefer her earlier book, Inkheart.
I'm also reading a collection of Monty Python skits to see if I can find what exactly happened, and why I'm here, but so far, no luck--except I've learned how to disarm frenzied lunatics brandishing fruit.

There isn't any more today, because I'm waiting for something else to happen. I've got one eye on the dryer in case it attacks, and one eye on the cat, who has been looking for a place to deposit a hairball. You can always tell when a cat is thinking about exhuming a hairball--they think out loud.

No worries.

How to Head off Your Fears of the Dentist

It's Saturday. Have you hugged a steam locomotive today?
According to the Minnesota Steam Locomotives site, this fine specimen was built in 1896 and was eventually put to work in the tie plant in Brainerd.
I've always suspected a steam engine would be a handy thing to have when you're struggling to tie a Windsor knot in your necktie--you simply discard the useless tie and ride away in your locomotive, while at the same time explaining to your wife that if you don't do this, the boiler will explode.

Speaking of chocolate, here's a picture and a recipe for peanut butter and mini chocolate bar centered crescents from Picky Palate.
Intriguing. I imagine those who are allergic to peanut butter could substitute more chocolate or some such. If you're allergic to crescents, you could just eat the chocolate bars and peanut butter. If you don't like any of these things, you could make the whole thing out of rutabagas.

If you're feeling a little crabby and out of sorts today, here's a picture of a Sherman tank to cheer you up. You can visit it if you like, but keep your distance.  Fall is coming on, and the Shermans are getting ready to migrate.

Now is a good time to begin stocking up on Halloween candy. If you don't have enough room in your apartment, you should scout the terrain for likely places to bury your stash, but don't let any squirrels see you.

Bye for now, and remember: Eat only healthy and nutritious chocolate--not the other kind.

Robotics Competitions Promote Creativity and Blood Lust

It's Friday the Thirteenth. I'm not superstitious. It's just another day.
It started with what I thought was an air raid siren at 5:30 a.m.
It was only the cat. He's 18 years old, deaf as a stone, nearly blind, and when he wakes up, he thinks he's all alone in hell, so he raises the alarm. He's been a good friend for a long time, so I don't call in an air strike; I get up, feed him, brush him, comb him, reassure him, and he waddles off to his favorite spot and falls asleep.
I, however, am awake.

Shortly thereafter, I discover the clothes dryer is dead, due to a malfunctioning logic board. It comes on, beeps at me, goes off, comes on again, etc. My wife tries it--same thing. Forty minutes later, I finally get it working, and I show my wife how I did it, so she, too, can bring it back from the dead.

My wife performs exactly the same ritual with the control buttons, but nothing happens. I perform the ritual again, and it starts.
I am not inventing this--I have no idea what lies behind this phenomenon, but I alone am able to conjure life into the evil dryer.

My iPod, which had been fixed by a green plastic frog, is now dead again. Always make sure your technician is NOT a green, plastic frog before entrusting him or her with your cherished device.

I left our apartment in a foul mood, only to discover that I could not exit the building in my usual way because city workers have utterly destroyed the sidewalks and replaced them with new, fresh concrete. So I take another exit, walk along another street, where there is yet more construction, and while I am stepping past the rubble and the cement trucks, a worker starts up some sort of concrete annihilating machine that makes even more noise than our cat.

Ha ha ha. I will not let this trouble me. Walk down Yonge Street. No more construction. Good. No asteroids, no lightning, no dog turds, and no speed demons on bicycles racing past me on the sidewalk. The cars, however, are a different matter, running red lights, stop signs, and crowding anyone spotted in a crosswalk.

Near Canadian tire, I begin crossing at the light with a few others. A female twit runs the light and nearly kills the man in front of me. He slams his fist down on the hood of her car; she gives him the finger. I stay out of this. I am still alive; that will suffice.

I have an interesting discussion with a chap who works at the place where I purchased the dryer. No, the store has nothing to do with appliances it has sold; they are unclean and must be handled by special technician priests from another company.

So I call this company on my Treo, and after much pushing of buttons and automated annoyance, get a polite woman who listens to my tale of woe, then tells me that her company, like the store that sold me the dryer, does not handle appliances that break down unless they have been swaddled in an expensive extra protection contract. She will give me a number to call.

I get the first digit; then my Treo breaks down.

I will not give in to anger. No. This is nothing. I call my wife. On the first attempt, I can't hear her. So I go and stand inside a nearby Bell store, where I can be sure of good reception, and this time, I do indeed get through to my wife.

The moral to this one is, if you want good cell phone reception, go and stand in a store operated by the telecom that sold you the phone.

Work? What work? Nothing has been done. And there is so much to do!

Call from my wife while still close to the store. The technician will charge $100 merely to contemplate the capricious dryer god. Parts will be extra, if he has a supply.

Later, at home, discover the Hydro bill, which now features all sorts of interesting extra charges, including a new tax component--the HST.

Very angry now. Warning to anyone reading this diatribe--do not distractedly eat whilst fuming over bills and other assorted annoyances. It is possible to consume an entire bag of chocolate covered almonds while examining your bill to see if the numbers have perhaps diminished while you were invoking a demon to annihilate the service provider.

I am not angry. I am not afraid of Friday the thirteenth. All of these things are mere coincidences. The dryer is not a malevolent entity bent on my destruction.

Here is a picture of our cat, before he turned into a crabby old guy with a big voice.

No chocolate today--there is such a thing as too much.
I am contemplating purchasing this book--it comes very highly recommended from a number of trusted sources, and not one of them is a clothes dryer.
In line with everything else that has gone wrong today, the link below was somehow messed up, and I am simply too tired to fix it. Besides, something else might go wrong. 
Search Amazon.com for elizabeth castro

Cute Pet Ideas for Little Children

When purchasing a small pet for your children, it's a good idea to let them know that they will be responsible for the little creature. It should be their job, for instance, to take care of the sacrificial offerings, and also to clean out the litter box.
They will also have to take their new pet for daily walkies, and they should be held accountable every time their little friend kills and eats a neighbor.
Warn your little dears that they must not take their pet to school and sic it on their enemies--that is what crossbows and maces are for.
And finally, any treasure their pet snatches from people who obviously never deserved treasure in the first place, must be shared equally with all members of the family.
Teach your children these few, simple principles, and everyone will be happy, healthy and wise (without the stupid early worm).
By the way, here's a chocolate assortment from the Hercules Candy Company. I think they deserve a round of applause for this. Anyone who keeps on making chocolate in these difficult times certainly deserves our gratitude.
Here's a picture of an antique ice cream truck from the Shorpy blog, which is full of interesting things.
And here is a picture of a flock of armored ice cream trucks tanks, taken during the second War to End All Wars.
This is from the history link, where you will find many color pictures from that war.
It's a long way to Tipperary....
You can read about Tipperary here, by the way.
So that's it for today. Remember, don't play with matches, don't start any wars, and put down the ducky!

The Computer Fairy Saves the Day

Computers are magical devices made of fragile components that only work reliably in computer stores. Take them out of their natural environment, put them in offices, homes and schools, and they sicken and die.
The moral is, only use your computer in the computer store--never take it out of its happy home.

On a more interesting note, here is an article by Philip K. Wilson in The Lancet, which discusses the long history of attempts by researchers to find medicinal value in chocolate. It's a fascinating article. Wilson says, for instance, that hospital records from early modern Europe show that chocolate was a regularly stocked ingredient used in prescription compounding.

Here is a picture of what happens to you when you don't eat enough medicinal chocolate. The image is from Annet Dragavon's travel blog, which includes some interesting pictures of the remains of Bolivia's first train fleet.
This could be a nice fixer-upper project for anybody with unlimited cash, about fifty years to spare, and a strong urge to restore a historical railroad.

And here is a picture of Bev's chocolate pie, along with a recipe. I'm sure it's medicinal.

And here is Tom Holt's new novel. I've read a lot of his books, so I'll get around to this one in a week or so. I think 'The Portable Door' is his best so far, but this one looks interesting.
That's all folks!
Beware of gifts bearing Greeks.

Thinking Outside the Box

Where some people see wholeness, harmony, and radiance, others see a litter box.
So no matter how important we humans think we are, our constructions don't amount to very much. Just ask the pigeons about our statues!
Here is a picture of what I will see from the balcony of our condo in a few months.

I think this sort of thing should be illegal. There ought to be a law!
It's Friday.
If you go to the toymaker website, you will find a picture and plans fora cutout, folding paper chocolate truck.

You can cut out the truck, fold it into shape (provided you aren't as clumsy as I am), fill it with chocolates and give it to someone who deserves a nicely decorated paper truck filled with chocolates (me!).
So there you have it.
Elvis says 'Hello!"
No worries.

How to get Someone Else to do the Work

It's all in the theatrics. Put on a good show, look as though you're trying very hard, and your significant other might take pity on you.
It's never, of course, a question of incompetence--only that you're very busy and you just don't have the time to take care of certain tasks. You thoroughly understand the procedure; you know how to do it, you really do, of course you do....
Actually, many things have been going wrong today, so this will be a brief entry, with NO pictures of cuddly Sherman tanks, and probably no pictures of chocolate....well....
Here, from TLC Cooking, is an article on making hollow chocolate bunnies. It's far more interesting than Solitaire, believe me!
And now, I must return to where I was before I wasn't there.
No worries.

Zen and the Art of Being Bigger than Your Garden.

Some people think that gardening involves digging holes all over the place; dropping seeds into the holes; giving the seeds a decent burial; cursing the birds that eat the seeds; dropping water all over the few buried seeds that have survived the birds; plucking out the weeds that offend thee and cursing them; dropping yet more water onto the dearly departed seeds; cursing the weeds, the birds, the gophers, the drought, the deluge; sacrificing your wine and your chocolate to make the crops grow; dropping yet more water on the fiendish, slacker seeds; exulting when the spoiled, nasty, evil seeds poke languid, feeble little shoots into the light; plaguing the neighbors with your boasting and triumphal noises when tiny carrots, tomatoes, and other assorted things of a vegetable nature appear, and finally, cursing the early frost that lays waste to your precious precious.
I've never participated in this ritual, so I can't really comment on it.

If I were ever to completely lose my mind and decide to take up gardening, however, I would probably grow a chocolate garden--a thing which I had never heard of until I started poking around on the Internet, looking for more pictures of Sherman tanks.
Anyway, if you go to this site, you will find an interesting article on chocolate gardens, with pictures, by Marie Hofer, Gardening Editor, HGTV.com.

Ms. Hofer has this to say on the subject: "There can be a world of chocolate in your garden. I'm not talking about the plants that look milky brown and have chocolate in the name-- 'Chocolate Ruffles' heuchera (brown foliage) or the 'Chocolate Soldier' columbine (brown flowers) or even 'Chocolate Chip' ajuga (its new leaves are brown). No, we're talking about walking through the garden and smelling chocolate."
There's much more, and it's all new to me.

Did someone mention Sherman tanks? Here's a walk-around gallery for those of you who just can't get close enough. Remember: it's not a petting zoo. Don't feed the tanks.

All for one, and one for all!
No worries.

Cooked Zen for the Non-Achiever

Did you hear the 'Baroom!'?
According to James Joyce, "What is audible is presented in time, what is visible is presented in space. But, temporal or spatial, the esthetic image is first luminously apprehended as selfbounded and selfcontained upon the immeasurable background of space or time which is not it."
Some of us, however, are very interested in the 'not it'.
I, myself, for instance, have spent many fruitful hours apprehending the 'not it'.
There'll be a quiz at the end of the class.
For those of you who are still here, you might find Umberto Eco's discussion of this and other matters in  'The Aesthetics of Chaosmos' very interesting. 
Here's the menu from the James Joyce Bistro, Victoria , B.C.  You'll  notice there's some chocolate on it. In my opinion, chocolate is very important when contemplating the 'not it'; in fact, without chocolate, you may not even catch a sighting of the 'not it', let alone have the time to apprehend it.
Here are some more pictures of Sherman tanks, in case you're feeling lonely and blue.
Wholeness, harmony, and radiance.
Pax.

The Eyes Have it!

Drawing comics on the 10-inch, glossy screen of a netbook is not making my eyes feel carefree, happy and in harmony with the universe.
So, I am now awaiting the arrival of my MATTE-screen Lenovo Thinkpad, which should be here in a day or two, before proceeding with yet more comics. I know this delay could put the entire civilized world in jeopardy, and possibly lead to the fall of the Roman Empire, but we needed a breather anyway.
What's a little chaos and anarchy, a little disruption of trade, a little hiatus in the delivery of goods from far-away places with strange-sounding names, in the delivery of...chocolate...no more chocolate....the barbarians will steal all of the chocolate from the caravans....
Here is a chocolate camel caravan. Be nice to it; there might not be anymore, if civilization collapses.
And for those of you who would rather stand and fight for civilization, here are some CHOCOLATE terracotta warriors to help you.
On the other hand, these might not be such a good idea. Anyone marshaling a chocolate army is likely to eat it, thereby doing away with all defensive forces, and possibly getting ill from over-eating.
This is a problem for Superduck!
Anyway, enjoy! Gan Bei!
干杯
No worries.